


Good Dreams, Bad Poetry

by Canon_Is_Relative, stardust_made



Series: The College AU [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Epistolary, Established Relationship, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Sexting, a bit of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4570917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canon_Is_Relative/pseuds/Canon_Is_Relative, https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardust_made/pseuds/stardust_made
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam has a dream; he and Dean talk about Stanford.</p><p>Set in the College AU. A few months after the end of 'Catch Me in a Dark Room'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Dreams, Bad Poetry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [analineblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/analineblue/gifts).



> There are quite a few text exchanges between the boys that never made it to the main story or the special features. We have dusted out and polished one of them to offer it as a birthday gift to our awesome beta [analineblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/analineblue/pseuds/analineblue): a great Wincest _connoisseur_ and writer. Happy birthday from both of us and thank you!♥

[Sam]  
Hey Dean, I had this amazing dream last night, I can’t stop thinking about it.  
   
[Dean]  
About time, you've had your share of freaking nightmares. What was it?  
   
[Sam]  
Dreamed I was in school in Palo Alto, and you were there. You came for me. I can still see your face, it was amazing.  
   
Okay sorry, I know that really happened. I mean, my dream was that I ran away and you followed me.  
   
And you said I couldn't leave you and you grabbed me and kissed me and then we were having sex on the quad and the grass tickled and it felt so real, I don't know. It felt so good, Dean!  
   
[Dean]  
Dude, what have you been smoking? Share!

Sounds good, Sammy, sounds very good  
   
[Sam]  
It was very good. I woke up thinking it was real, now I'm trying to remember everything that's happened the last three years, trying to come down from that crazy high.  
   
[Dean]   
I kinda know you know that but I gotta say it, ok? You know I wanted to? I would have come to Palo Alto, I've told you some days it was all I could think about. How I had to be there, make sure you were ok. It was bad, it got really bad sometimes, I don't know how I didn't just drive off. 

Actually I know, I was going through the motions because what was I supposed to do with Dad? I couldn't leave him, I just couldn't  
   
[Sam]  
I know, Dean. I know all that. It was just a dream.  
   
[Dean]  
And I was freaking hurt and thought you wouldn't wanna see me, I had these visions how you'd just look at me and like sneer at me for trying to shove myself at you, for crashing your party. And I wanted you to have that shot, you know? Yeah, it was bad for me, but I also wanted you to have that, you wanted out so badly and I just wanted you to be happy, Sam  
   
I know I'm repeating myself sorry. Just caught me off guard

You know I'm sitting here thinking, what if? What if I had followed you, if the other thing would have happened, like, would have followed too, the way it happened here. I didn't know then, I mean I wasn't just seeing you like my little brother, I knew there was something more and I'm thinking if I'd followed you, maybe that thing would have hit me then  
   
Maybe that's why I didn't follow you  
   
Maybe I knew deep down and I just couldn't face it, not back then  
   
[Sam]  
Yeah, me too. I mean, I think I kind of knew too. I think that's part of why I left. I wanted everything else, school and a normal life and everything I was running towards, but I was definitely running away from stuff too, like Dad and the life and all the not-normal stuff it entailed. And being halfway in love with your brother your whole life is definitely on the not-normal list.  
   
I'm sorry I hurt you when I left. I didn't want to.  
   
I really think I would have died if I stayed. I was already getting close a few times. So pissed off or distracted that I was sloppy.  
   
[Dean]  
It's ok, Sammy. Just say you're all the way in love with your big brother now and we're good   
  
I know. Don't think about it, it was a long time ago. It's good now, right? You're good?  
   
[Sam]  
I'm good. And I'm totally in love with my awesome big brother, couldn't be better.  
   
[Dean]  
B-)  
   
[Sam]  
Finally something good came out of how crazy our lives have always been, now we get to have this crazy good thing between us.  
   
[Dean]  
Yeah. Like I told you, what's one more crazy thing? At least this one feels good  
   
[Sam]  
Man, I can't stop thinking about my dream. It felt so real, Dean, like I was experiencing it the way I would have if it had happened all those years ago. If felt like kissing you for the first time.  
   
[Dean]  
How do you know how it would have felt if it had happened back then 

Man, I'm jealous of myself  
   
[Sam]  
I don't know, it was just, you know how sometimes in dreams, weird things make sense, or you know something that doesn't make sense for you to know? There was nothing like that in my dream, I really felt like I was 18 again. You tracked me down and when you showed up you grabbed me and I wasn't expecting it. 

[Dean]  
Yeah, definitely jealous of that dream me dude

[Sam]  
I don't really know what I would have done if it had actually happened.

[Dean]  
God, I wanted to, wanted to find you, Sam. I didn't even have a name for it, it was like a fucking burn inside and out, some nights I thought I'd go absolutely fucking nuts

[Sam]  
I mean, I was so set on doing my own thing, I probably would have been pissed and bitchy if you'd just showed up, you know I would have :)

[Dean]  
That was why I never showed up

[Sam]  
Yeah, I know. God I missed you so much. It was crazy. There I was finally doing what I'd been making so much noise about forever. But I hit a point where I could barely function for missing you.

And it just underscored everything about me that wasn't normal, never would be. 

[Dean]  
You had Jess. That must have helped

[Sam]  
Yeah, I mean, eventually. But that first year, Dean, my head was all over the place. I thought you were so mad you'd never forgive me.

[Dean]  
Not that kind of mad, I just I couldn't take it anymore. The fighting with Dad and you being miserable and angry all the time. And yeah, it sucked what you did but it didn't change how much I missed you. I didn't know what to do with myself the first few months. I wanted to come find you so bad. 

I smashed my fist through a glass table once, got a couple of pretty gashes, did I ever tell you that?

[Sam]  
No you didn't. Were you with Dad?

You've never really told me anything about those years.

[Dean]  
Not much else to tell. First it was crap, then like I said, I was going through the motions, we both were, Dad and I. He kept an eye on you and found ways to tell me you were doing ok, you were safe. So I kinda took that and it had to be enough, and I guess I tried to leave you be

[Sam]  
Did you ever go with him to check on me?

[Dean]  
No. I came close to it twice but something always turned up and I had to take care of it

Now I'm thinking I just couldn't. Like I had found some way to keep going without seeing you, I don't know. I just prefered to hear you were ok and leave it there

[Sam]  
Yeah. 

Tell me about the glass.

[Dean]  
I was by myself, I don't even remember where we were or where Dad was but I remember it was a few weeks after you'd left. I guess the first hit was wearing off like I wasn't reeling anymore or something. I was just trapped in that crap motel room by myself and I thought I was gonna fucking lose my mind. Couldn't stop thinking about you, it was like some fucking gates had opened

Total mess in my head just wanting to see you and I got paranoid that something would happen to you. I kinda hated you a little, kept thinking how you were having fun, just out drinking with some new buddies of yours, and being normal and happy while I was there going crazy with how much I missed you. And at some point I just put my fist through this glass table

So that kiss in your dream, was it so good?

[Sam]  
God Dean.

I should have called. I wanted to, I didn't at first because I promised myself I wouldn't. It was part of my plan because I knew if I didn't have every part of my plan worked out, I'd never go through with it. And then when I didn't hear from you, after a couple months I guess I just figured you'd chosen your side and that was that. That's when it got bad for awhile. When the shine wore off and I realized how much I missed you and how we'd never gone so long apart. I felt like instead of finally getting to be myself, I didn't even know who I was.

[Dean]  
Sammy, I'm sorry I let you down. I should have called. I was just too messed up, didn't know what the right thing to do was. And honestly I really thought it was what you wanted and that you had chosen a side too, you know

Are you mad at me?

[Sam]  
No! Dean, I'm not mad at all. God, it was so long ago. It almost feels like we're talking about two other people, you know?

Okay no, it doesn't, it still hurts to think about. Definitely talking about us.

Pastor Jim never told you, did he? How I would check with him for news about you and Dad. I thought for sure he'd tell you, but you thought all those years I was okay not knowing if you guys were even alive.

[Dean]  
I think Dad knew. He said something once, I was yelling at him after he'd gone off on his own, some freaking witch of all the stupid things. I found him seconds before he was about to choke to death so I was yelling at him after, I was so messed up back then and I was yelling how I was freaking done with both of you

Something about how it was me who was gonna have to come find you and tell you he had died. That if I didn't you wouldn't even know, and why he couldn't just pick up the damn phone. And he just said, Sam will know. I asked him about it, but he just shook his head and repeated you’d know and when I pushed he just told me to let it go and that was it

Sammy, I don't wanna talk about it anymore

[Sam]  
Okay Dean, I'm sorry.

[Dean]  
Don't be sorry. Just, it's too much and like I get it, the point of these confessionals, they're supposed to make it better or whatever but I got my limits

So, that kiss?

[Sam]  
That kiss was awesome, dude! I dunno, maybe better than real life ;)

[Dean]  
Oh hell yeah, I take that challenge!

Kiss you so good tonight, I swear

[Sam]  
Good. I woke up already going crazy wanting you to.

[Dean]  
You got it, it'll be the best kiss ever. I'm just going to sit you on the couch, get you in my arms and I'm going to make love to your sweet mouth forever

[Sam]  
Jesus, Dean. The way you talk to me.

[Dean]  
Sammy, what do you say we just stay on the couch tonight? You gonna let me push you down, get you under me? We can stay like that, make out like a couple of horny teenagers

[Sam]  
Yeah, Dean, hell yeah. That's how you make me feel, exactly like that. Like a crazy, horny teenager in love for the first time. I could make out with you forever.

I'm seriously like two steps away from writing bad poetry about you :) That's how bad I've got it for you.

[Dean]  
Alright, one time only - not gonna judge.;)

[Sam]  
Yeah but I can't think of anything that rhymes with "freckles."

[Dean]  
I take it back, no poetry!

Fuck, you make me wanna talk dirty to you, it's like a freaking running commentary in my head. Want you to keep your clothes on, I'm just gonna stick my hand down your pants and play with you so good, I'm gonna get you off just kissing you

[Sam]  
I know I sound like a broken record, but I never imagined it'd be like this. I never thought you'd talk to me like that or thought how goddamn hot it would be. I love it, I love how you talk to me. 

Make me feel so damn good, Dean. 

[Dean]  
You're the hottest thing ever, you make my fucking head swim. I wanna make you feel good, it's like I've smoked some seriously good shit 

So about tonight, we can just make out? What do you say, just rub against each other? You gonna let me feel you up, Sammy?

[Sam]  
You know how I feel when we're together? Like I can't breathe, but like I don't need to. It's like you lift me up to this higher level, a more pure existence or something, where the little things don't matter, we don't need them when we're flying so fucking high, like we’re invincible

[Dean]  
There's the poetry, I'm outta here!

I am invincible, you do do that to me. I know what I'm supposed to do, Sam, and it’s like nothing can touch me.

Dude, I said do do :D

[Sam]  
My brother: my best friend, secretly Batman, the most gorgeous person on the face of the planet, and permanently twelve years old.

[Dean]  
I like it, that's some good poetry, you got a gift, Sammy!

And a sex god, right?

[Sam]  
Yes, Dean. You're a sex god.

And a makeout king.

[Dean]  
Gonna live up to my reputation tonight. I'll see you soon, baby boy

[Sam]  
Yeah Dean, I'll be there soon. I can't wait to see you.


End file.
